I was surprised to read that the Japanese government agency Gender Equality Bureau announced that not paying any dating expenses at all is considered domestic violence. One of the issues this bureau is concerned with is domestic violence and this doesn’t only mean physical violence. I hadn’t considered whether not paying any of the expenses on a date is domestic violence. (I know, it’s been a long time since I was in the dating world!)
On the Bureau’s website are four types of domestic violence listed: psychological violence, physical violence, sexual violence, and economic violence. Economic violence is defined as such things as using a partner’s money without permission or borrowing money from a partner and refusing to pay it back. One item that has people talking right now is “not paying any dating expenses at all.”
When I was in high school and started dating, the boy/man did the asking and the paying. Things were more casual when I was in university, so there wasn’t so much emphasis on who asked or paid. After I and the men I dated were working, the expenses were shared. That was a very long time ago and I haven’t given any thought about it since then.
I don’t know how big of a problem this is in Japan. It’s described on the Bureau’s website, so there must be a reason. Is this equal between genders, or are some people being taken advantage of more so than others? The website doesn’t seem clear on where this is directed. I think that forcing someone to pay all the time isn’t good, but there could be voluntary reasons such as one party earning much more money than the other that would cause that person to pay all the dating expenses. If this is a big issue in Japan, I’m glad it is spelled out. What do you think?
Hello Pamela: This is interesting, I am a bit old fashioned, the man always pays in my world, maybe I am a bit different in todays world. Hope all is well in your area of the world.
Once I taught a lady who told me she gave more pocket money to her son than to her daughter. Why? Because her son had to pay for himself AND his girlfriend when he went on a date whereas my student's daughter was treated to all meals, cinema tickets and presents by her date. That was more than thirty years ago. At that time many women earned far less money than men, so if two colleagues of the same company went out together HE had more money to spend than she had. Also, many women saved as much money as possible for their future wedding, an event both partners would contribute to. So how is the situation today? I guess most girls and boys get the same amount of pocket money. Any difference may be due to their age and not their gender. At work, salaries are getting more equal between genders as women are now given jobs with more responsibility and overtime. They can also continue work after getting married and having children. In the past that was impossible - 'no married women in the office' was the norm! So with men and women having (almost) the same economic power, it sounds logical to me that they should 'go Dutch' on their dates. How this is done, splitting bills at the restaurant or 'I'll pay you later' or taking turns paying, should be up to the couple. Having said that, money is still a tabu subject to many. For example, it is emotionally hard to claim settlement of an outstanding debt, you often hand over money in an envelope instead of giving a bundle of banknotes, you don't want to pay someone money in public outside a restaurant or indeed outside a hotel. Luckily, with electronic money, it is easy to discreetly share the cost of a date. Some things are also difficult to share financially, like gas/electricity for the car, doing the planning and driving, the use of one partner's BBQ set and coal, the service of shopping and preparing things for a beach party...
I wonder if this has become an issue for the Gender Equality Bureau because some, usually women I guess, always expect to be treated and actually put it into practice never to pay. Have you heard of the cunning lady who dated several men and asked each of them to give her the same brand and model watch? She sold all but one watch and all the men were sure it was HIS watch she was wearing! The Bureau has a lot of work to do!
It's very interesting to see the different types of abuse laid out like that. I'll have to ask my mum if the concept of economic abuse is something she deals with too (she's a judge specializing in cases of domestic abuse). I don't think it's an issue if one party always offers, but there might be circumstances where they feel used by always being the one to pay.
Hello Pamela: This is interesting, I am a bit old fashioned, the man always pays in my world, maybe I am a bit different in todays world.
ReplyDeleteHope all is well in your area of the world.
Catherine❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Once I taught a lady who told me she gave more pocket money to her son than to her daughter. Why? Because her son had to pay for himself AND his girlfriend when he went on a date whereas my student's daughter was treated to all meals, cinema tickets and presents by her date.
ReplyDeleteThat was more than thirty years ago. At that time many women earned far less money than men, so if two colleagues of the same company went out together HE had more money to spend than she had. Also, many women saved as much money as possible for their future wedding, an event both partners would contribute to.
So how is the situation today? I guess most girls and boys get the same amount of pocket money. Any difference may be due to their age and not their gender.
At work, salaries are getting more equal between genders as women are now given jobs with more responsibility and overtime. They can also continue work after getting married and having children. In the past that was impossible - 'no married women in the office' was the norm!
So with men and women having (almost) the same economic power, it sounds logical to me that they should 'go Dutch' on their dates. How this is done, splitting bills at the restaurant or 'I'll pay you later' or taking turns paying, should be up to the couple.
Having said that, money is still a tabu subject to many. For example, it is emotionally hard to claim settlement of an outstanding debt, you often hand over money in an envelope instead of giving a bundle of banknotes, you don't want to pay someone money in public outside a restaurant or indeed outside a hotel. Luckily, with electronic money, it is easy to discreetly share the cost of a date.
Some things are also difficult to share financially, like gas/electricity for the car, doing the planning and driving, the use of one partner's BBQ set and coal, the service of shopping and preparing things for a beach party...
I wonder if this has become an issue for the Gender Equality Bureau
because some, usually women I guess, always expect to be treated and actually put it into practice never to pay.
Have you heard of the cunning lady who dated several men and asked each of them to give her the same brand and model watch? She sold all but one watch and all the men were sure it was HIS watch she was wearing!
The Bureau has a lot of work to do!
It's very interesting to see the different types of abuse laid out like that. I'll have to ask my mum if the concept of economic abuse is something she deals with too (she's a judge specializing in cases of domestic abuse). I don't think it's an issue if one party always offers, but there might be circumstances where they feel used by always being the one to pay.
ReplyDelete